Spendifirous Porthos Movie Poster
I’m getting ready to go see some Musketeer movie with a dear friend this afternoon.
When I called him to arrange our usual Sunday movie date, I could hear the bone weary fatigue in his voice. Of course I was curious and more than a little concerned as to what was up. Turns out earlier this week he started one of those intense P90X work outs programs and his body is aching. As I listened he told me about how he came to the decision to — finally do something about it.
As his words tumbled out I found myself cringing repeatedly. The way he spoke about himself was horrid, so cruel. Each word a blow of self flagellation.
I don’t look right in clothes.
I’m ashamed to come out and have people see me.
Am afraid what they’ll say about how I look since last year.
How did I let myself get this way?
I instantly had a vision of a dog, tail nestled between its back legs. Small. Unempowered and turning in upon itself. Such hurtful words.
Because I know this man, he’s one of my most beloved friends – I knew that he needed to get those words out, needed a neutral place for them to flow into. So I listened and waited for the lull, the pause.
When it came I asked him this:
If we were out together and you overheard someone speaking to me that way, they’d be on the ground in a second, correct?
After a few beats of silence he answered: “Yes.”
“Then don’t talk to my beloved that way. Or you’ll be going from horizontal to vertical in the blink of an eye.”
Figuratively speaking of course.
This is how we talk to ourselves all the time, my people. We think nothing of it. It feels like it’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s acceptable to belittle ourselves.
No it’s not.
When you’re used to being the visionary warrior, the doer who Does with a capital D, who fixes, solves, and Handles. It. All.
With style, tenacity, flair, magnificence…
You’re Coping with a capital C, maintaining until you go home and…collapse.
Until your trusted friend can hear it in your voice when you answer the phone.
Bone weary.
This is bullshit.
Like my loyal friend, gentle linebacker that he is…my personal Porthos who’d rise up to my defense in a heartbeat if he overheard someone disrespecting me,
..who misses that he gets to have that same compassion, love, and loyalty. It extends to him too, as we are all worth that same treatment.
We forget this. I forget this.
When you overdraw from your own bank of compassion, talking to yourself in this way…how does that work?
Does this inspire you to rise up and care for yourself? If it does that’s OK. I’m just seeing who’s in the room.
If you’ve gone off course, got a health issue, found yourself a little off target from an end result you want…
Do you see this as information (simply data) and respond? Or do you personalize the emotion/experience making it mean something?
I invite you to cut yourself some slack.
Are you still vertical or have your words got you on the ground seeing stars?
Comments welcome. Share this post with the someone this reminds you of. And you can cease the beatings anytime now, your choice.
I’m off to the movies.
Tagged as:
uncommontary
If you overhead someone talking to me that way, they’d be on the ground in a heartbeat.
by Linda Eaves on October 23, 2011
Spendifirous Porthos Movie Poster
I’m getting ready to go see some Musketeer movie with a dear friend this afternoon.
When I called him to arrange our usual Sunday movie date, I could hear the bone weary fatigue in his voice. Of course I was curious and more than a little concerned as to what was up. Turns out earlier this week he started one of those intense P90X work outs programs and his body is aching. As I listened he told me about how he came to the decision to — finally do something about it.
As his words tumbled out I found myself cringing repeatedly. The way he spoke about himself was horrid, so cruel. Each word a blow of self flagellation.
I don’t look right in clothes.
I’m ashamed to come out and have people see me.
Am afraid what they’ll say about how I look since last year.
How did I let myself get this way?
I instantly had a vision of a dog, tail nestled between its back legs. Small. Unempowered and turning in upon itself. Such hurtful words.
Because I know this man, he’s one of my most beloved friends – I knew that he needed to get those words out, needed a neutral place for them to flow into. So I listened and waited for the lull, the pause.
When it came I asked him this:
If we were out together and you overheard someone speaking to me that way, they’d be on the ground in a second, correct?
After a few beats of silence he answered: “Yes.”
“Then don’t talk to my beloved that way. Or you’ll be going from horizontal to vertical in the blink of an eye.”
Figuratively speaking of course.
This is how we talk to ourselves all the time, my people. We think nothing of it. It feels like it’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s acceptable to belittle ourselves.
No it’s not.
When you’re used to being the visionary warrior, the doer who Does with a capital D, who fixes, solves, and Handles. It. All.
With style, tenacity, flair, magnificence…
You’re Coping with a capital C, maintaining until you go home and…collapse.
Until your trusted friend can hear it in your voice when you answer the phone.
Bone weary.
This is bullshit.
Like my loyal friend, gentle linebacker that he is…my personal Porthos who’d rise up to my defense in a heartbeat if he overheard someone disrespecting me,
..who misses that he gets to have that same compassion, love, and loyalty. It extends to him too, as we are all worth that same treatment.
We forget this. I forget this.
When you overdraw from your own bank of compassion, talking to yourself in this way…how does that work?
Does this inspire you to rise up and care for yourself? If it does that’s OK. I’m just seeing who’s in the room.
If you’ve gone off course, got a health issue, found yourself a little off target from an end result you want…
Do you see this as information (simply data) and respond? Or do you personalize the emotion/experience making it mean something?
I invite you to cut yourself some slack.
Are you still vertical or have your words got you on the ground seeing stars?
Comments welcome. Share this post with the someone this reminds you of. And you can cease the beatings anytime now, your choice.
I’m off to the movies.
Tagged as: uncommontary