Rambly Post About Stress

Read a cool book excerpt about stress called “Be Healthy: Stress, Running on Empty “- and it got me to thinking. It’s from the book by Sara Stein M.D. called: “Obese From The Heart: A Fat Psychiatrist Discloses.”
It is on my book list. Go read the excerpt, the rest of this post will make more sense that way.

I like the idea of a Fat Psychiatrist helping other fat folks. Maybe it will pave the way for even more fat dance teachers, yoga teachers, OK just everyone – to come out of the woodwork and join in the movement. To not have to wait until they are “perfect” to show themselves. I realize that this happens already, but no harm in saying it out loud. Repeatedly.

I read her article and then asked Dr. Sara a question on Twitter:
OK. So eating causes certain chemical reactions – serenity, etc. – What effect does music & dance have on your brain?
(I realize that was a lot longer than 140 characters. You should have seen me trying to compose the tweet.)

She replied: “Hi Linda, Art, music, exercise, dance, prayer, meditation, love function as nature’s antidepressants with no side effects!”

I kind of knew this already, but it was comforting to be reminded. I was so used to using food or alcohol to numb and soften things. Sometimes I can face things head on, no numbing needed. But having other tools to choose from doesn’t hurt.

So here’s what else is happening….

People are starting to not recognize me if they haven’t seen me in a while. I still look in the mirror or store window sometimes and see the 300 plus pound person that I was. And all the emotions – and not being able to eat or drink them away! Oh yeah, I said that already didn’t I?

Then there’s all the energy I have because my body is smaller. No problem standing waiting for the train, where it used to hurt before. I sometimes wobble around and lose my balance due to losing so much weight. I’ve had to relearn how to walk, stand, move. I must get up and move around to stretch, to dance, to walk – it actually is more uncomfortable to be too still for too long. I love to exercise now, if you call it that. What a switch!

I finally went back to Jen’s Zumba class last Saturday. During one song called “Bailamos” I completely lost myself in the rhythm and the pleasure of the dance, letting my body sense how it wanted to move. It was effortless and a place that I’d never thought I’d get back to. Had a 6 hour bliss carryover after that class.

Another thing I’d do was to have fantasies of transporting myself back in time for a do over. In my scene I was young, about 21, thin, but also had all the knowledge I have now. I’d buy all the right stock, get in on all the cool trends because I’d know what they were and how they were going to pan out. That was a fun game to play in my mind. Now I don’t want to go back anywhere. I like “here”.

To keep in touch with the changes in me, I have Chris describe to me how it feels to him that I am smaller. This for some reason – helps. For me to hear how he can distinguish the muscle and bone when he touches me, my skin texture changes, the shape of my face – it helps it sink in.

Sometimes I’m happy, sad, overwhelmed, bored, frightened…all normal parts of my human condition. At times I want to drink, or overeat, or somehow not face what’s in front of me. What I’m finding is that I am absolutely not unique.

I am being what I’m supposed to – me.

Tagged as: energy, gastric bypass, rny, weight loss, wls